Today, I’d like to talk about friendship and what exactly it means to me. Okay so I know it’s kind of funny that here I am talking about friendship and I’ve chosen to start my article off with a picture of two horses side by side but there’s a rhyme to my reason. What comes to mind when you think about friendship? Maybe, it’s having someone to talk to on the phone till 1a.m or having someone to cry to when your heart gets broken as it can tend to get in this life. To me, friendship is one of the most beautiful things we have in life if you find the right kind of friends.

And it all comes down to one word, “needs”. You might be asking yourself, “What needs”? When I was growing up, nobody taught me that it was okay to have needs. All I learned from watching my parents and peers was that in order to be liked, you have to make sure others are always happy and pleased. Going to church didn’t help matters much because I pretty much interpreted the bible to mean that it was selfish to care about your own needs. Disclaimer! I’m NOT saying this was the right interpretation but it was just mine…coming from a limited perspective. Nobody and I mean nobody told me that it was okay to have needs and not only okay but important to voice them.

So this is where the analogy of the horses comes in…and by the ways was inspired after a conversation I had with a good friend who’s a horse trainer/healer. If someone asks: Hey HORSIE, what do you need today to feel comfortable? It would neigh back to you in horse language the equivalent of “water”, “hay”, “attention” “grooming” or “exercise”. I know it’s pretty silly that I have to use horses as an example but for some reason it just makes sense to our minds that a horse has needs. And the fact that they don’t speak English (or whatever our native tongue may be), is what gets us to step back and empathize with them to guess what their needs are. Sometimes, I feel like we believe animals to be more deserving to get their needs met than we do ourselves. Well, we’re humans and have the same kinds and even more!

A good friend can be hard to find but once you do, you hold on to them throughout your life. It’s somebody who encourages you to be your best self by allowing you not only to identify what your needs are but communicate them as well. Life will not serve you if you go through it as a door mat. Trust me. I (and many of my friends) tried that route and failed. So please learn from my mistakes and get clued in on your needs early.

To be a good friend, get clued in on your friends’ needs too. Does your best friend seem sad today? Ask him/her what he/she needs from you. Are you in a relationship with someone who’s disrespected you? Tell him/her what you need from him/her in order to feel safe.

It’s perfectly perfect to have needs. Don’t feel guilty for having them! You’re only human

Tips for today!

Keep a “Needs” journal. And share it with a buddy who has one too. Every day, at the end of your day, ask yourself how you feel and where you feel somebody didn’t give you what you need. Then, think of a situation where somebody did give you what you need. Then, jot down activities or places you went that made you happy. Did you sleep enough that day?
Did you eat a balanced diet? Make a list of positives and negatives of the day. Soon enough, you’ll start to identify what it is exactly that makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. Have a Journal night where you and your buddy exchange lists every week and keep the other accountable to what their needs are and to make sure that they are confident enough to stick to the belief that they deserve to have their needs met.

Good luck! And talk to you next time …